loose leaf and spiral bound

So, here we are five years post-diagnosis. It's been four full years of no medications, no surgeries, no scans; nothing but regular checkups. Now, I can only speak from my experience, but it seems like the high of hearing the words "no discernable masses" and "no cancer cells in your lymph nodes" doesn't last as long as the fear of waiting for the other shoe to drop.  Now, I cannot say that the other shoe has dropped, per se. But, it seems fair to say that someone definitely chucked a boot at my head.  Because chemotherapy and the removal of my ovaries put me into early menopause, I was at risk for osteoporosis. This is a thing that I knew, but really thought wouldn't be an issue. I am young, I eat healthy, I work out, I feel strong, etc. Clearly I haven't learned my lesson that sometimes you can do everything right and still have it turn out all wrong.  My oncologist ordered a bone density scan just to be sure and wouldn't you know it, here I am

 I don't have any clever hype or backstory for this one. Just had an arrow of inspiration and went with it.  The difference between a window and a mirror When I look at you just right  I can only see the petals Not your thorns. Your horns That accompany your devil may care Attitude The altitude of your ego is so high Mountains to climb Climb up up and up into the clouds Your eyes have clouds so thick I can barely it happen That moment when your pupils Dilate Your laser focus Has turned and fixated On me Targeted I stand in the dark Totally unaware of what is to come What is running after me An unwitting player in a game of cat and mouse The chase  The race is on With no way to see the path I’m on Running blindly But what if I stopped  Turned around And let myself be caught Caught up in you Your arms Your curiosity Then you open your mouth and let the sun shine out. Would it be so trite to say Now I can see the light? The light of a new day dawns The way your words lie in your mouth

My husband bought me this painting on canvas a few years back. It actually means quite a lot to me -- I  received this in a fairly chaotic time in our lives and I was struggling to find some peace within myself. I was trying to focus on getting something down on paper this morning and I kept staring at this painting. Sometimes inspiration is almost too obvious. Everyday I am afraid Terrified it will be so very obvious that I need you more than you need me Each time I say goodnight I get on my knees (figuratively) and pray that you are not planning your goodbye (literally). When you turn around and walk away because you have somewhere to be (literally) I fear that its because you would rather be anywhere else (figuratively). It hurts in the head in the heart a solid one-two punch to the gut maybe more like one million unsure (but still painful) cuts When I breathe you in I feel comforted and safe You are probably waiting and waiting and waiting to exhale wi