Thursday, December 20, 2012

The dark that lives inside.

Once again, Jimmy Blackwell and I worked on another shared writing prompt. He tackled seeing the light that lives in the dark (which you can read here) - - and I took on when darkness hides inside the light. I've got to say that this was a tricky prompt for me and gave me more than a few shaky moments. It has honestly taken me waaaaay longer than the allotted two weeks to get this far. This is rough and raw, so be gentle...I am an optimistic person by nature and discussing darkness is tough for me. Makes me go to a place that is uncomfortable to some degree. Like that saying "hurt so good"? Something like that. It's not that I won't go there or don't want to go there - it's just a touch difficult. But good for me. So here it is:

We looked so damned beautiful together.
Friends wanted to be us.
Around us at a minimum.
Our picture perfectness was awful.
Intolerable at best.
Our bright shiny smiles full of too many white teeth
blinded them to these many many faults.

I wanted your love to hold me up
but your thoughtlessness brought me down.
Your doubt stole my confidence,
this anger robbed me of my pride,
and lies were feeding our mutual loathing.
Nothing was fine. It was not going to be alright.

I knew it. You knew it. No one else saw it coming. 
Those days of happy mornings and shared glasses of orange juice
turned to lonely nights and far too many bottles of whiskey.

The empties laying around the floor like pieces of a sacrilegious Lenten calendar. Counting down to our end.

My beatific smiles turned deceptive.
They were hiding these fang-like teeth.
My words sounded soft at a distance. Soft through the phone lines,
but up close they lashed at your skin.
I wanted that. To hurt you. To make you feel something.
Pay attention to me.

Sometimes love is toxic.
Too much of a good thing can go to your head.
Unreasonable expectations, so high above
can only cause you to fall so far down.

When a love burns this bright we must be vigilant.
To touch the flames knowing we’ll end up scarred.
To go on the journey knowing we’ll get lost.
We are born with the instinct that tells us inside every person lives good and bad.
We grow up and forget that behind every brightness follows a shade and shadow.

Every flashlight will eventually run out of batteries.
Each sunrise is followed by a sunset.
Inside every shining light is a waiting dark.