loose leaf and spiral bound

Well, the next-to-last piece of my cancer treatment puzzle was radiation. I did 33 sessions of this. Radiation took place every day, Monday through Friday. Despite getting zapped 33 times with fancy electrons, x-rays, gamma rays, and whatever -- no super powers. I found this meme on the intertubes. The typos are kind of killing me on the inside, but you get the point.  Really, radiation wasn't all that bad. Especially when I compare it to chemo and surgery. No nausea, no hair loss, no bone aches. The main thing I felt was tired. Not every single day, and not beginning with the first session. It took a little while to build up, but I'd say after the first week and a half I could feel myself starting to drag a little bit. Then about every three or four days, I would just be totally exhausted. So wiped out that I would fall asleep at 7pm and stay asleep until my alarm went off for work the next day. Because of this, I'm so glad that I scheduled my appointments in the a

That's right, my friends. I definitely put my poetry in another art show. This is the third time I have entered my poetry on canvas into the University of Nebraska-Lincoln Staff Art Show. As you might imagine I was once again nervous about doing it, but did it anyway. Once again, I'm glad I did. I kind of like the pressure to perform, knowing that I am working on a deadline with a very public outcome. It certainly freaks me out and gives me more than a little anxiety - but I do kind of like it. This year, the art show is being held in the University library - - Love Library. I mean, what is better than having your art/poetry hung in a library? It's fantastic! Here's my two pieces.  ...and here is what they look like hanging with other pieces.  You may or may not know that my husband is a bow hunter. So, I took one of the deer skulls from his harvest last year and painted the face black and then put some designs in silver on it. Next, I took it outside

So, it's been almost 2 months since I had surgery. This means I've had 2 months to heal physically and emotionally. Despite all of the trepidation, stress, and panic that came with surgery - I am relieved to have gotten rid of the boobs that quite literally tried to kill me. Not sad to see the tumor twins gone and a new set of much more docile and calm boobs in place. Surgery is some scary shit. I don't care how "routine" the procedure or how long you are (or aren't) under the knife - it's scary. I can't lie to you, I was fairly terrified about my surgery. I had a port removal, double-mastectomy, sentinel node removal, and reconstructive surgery all in one procedure. That was roughly 3 and a half hours on the operating table. But, before I get ahead of myself...let's back up and I'll tell you how I got from point A to point 34C. One of the very first things I did was make individual appointments to speak with a general surgeon, plastic su

As I sit here recovering from my double mastectomy and reconstruction (I'll write about surgery later. I'm not ready yet) -- I've had some more time to sit and stew and reflect on a few more things. I know I've already put up a post where I talk about stuff I have learned, but this is just a little different. I've thought about the things that everyone who finds out I have (correction: HAD) cancer asks: HOW CAN I HELP? WHAT CAN I DO? The answer is incredibly simple. Just be there. Be my friend. Be present. Be happy. Share with me the funny details and stressful situations in your life. Tell me about your day at work, vent to me about your crazy co-workers, all of those small little things add up to be just what I need - - your friendship. Now, this answer doesn't always go over very well with folks. Obviously I cannot, and will not, speak for everyone battling cancer. I am my own person and only know how this diagnosis has played out in my life. Just to be cle

I have officially been done with chemo for an entire month (...and then some). I cannot express to you just how good it feels - and how good it feels to say that. Done. I'm done with chemo. (!!!!!) It was crazy how much better I felt within the first week - my appetite came back, my energy was up, and each day was better than the one before. By the time I was a month out my taste buds had returned from the abyss and I finally started feeling human again. Just a few days ago I looked in the bathroom mirror before getting into the shower and thought, "holy shit, Jenn! Where did you get those bruises on your forehead!?!" But you know what? They weren't bruises at all - - THOSE SPOTS ARE MY EYEBROWS GROWING BACK!! Oh, and my eyelashes? They're coming back, too. Admittedly, it's a little itchy and a little pokey and I'm blinking in double time at everyone, but it is worth it. These are all good things. I swear to God, I will never bitch about shaving my

I'm just over halfway through chemo and it seems high time to list the things I've learned so far: 1. Appreciate your nose hairs. Seriously. I didn't think about it until I didn't have any. Stuff just rolls right out and if you aren't prepared with kleenex, you will turn into a preschooler wiping your snot with your sleeve. 2. Don't fight the fuzzy head. Being bald has taught me more about self-confidence in two months than all the years after puberty combined. I can still be funny and smart and adorable without hair. This doesn't mean I don't miss my ponytails - - but I don't NEED them to feel complete. A good friend let me borrow this chef hat. Of course I did my best Swedish Chef impression.  3. BE APPRECIATIVE OF YOUR NURSES AND LAB STAFF!! Take them donuts. Tell them thank you. Be nice and smile. These folks are amazing and selfless and wonderful and lots of other adjectives. Seriously, they hardly know you and yet they immediately car

Remember a few years ago when the interwebs were in an uproar when they found out that Angelina Jolie had a preventative double-mastectomy? And how they erupted again recently when they found out she had her ovaries and Fallopian tubes removes? Seriously, there was even a Buzzfeed article about it . (You know it's a hot topic when Buzzfeed covers it - http://www.buzzfeed.com/carolynkylstra/brca-genes-and-cancer) As you might have heard, Angelina Jolie carries the BRCA1 gene. So do I. Because of this genetic marker we are predisposed to getting breast cancer at early ages and it reoccurring later on as ovarian cancer. (Guys, this is the one and only time in my life where I will legitimately be able to compare myself to Angelina so I'm going to go ahead and do that. Because I can. Finally .)   A few people have asked me how I feel about Ms. Jolie's op-ed pieces discussing her very personal and monumental life choices. Have I read the articles? Do they bother me? And s

So, I  finished chemo round #2 and this is the part where my hair goes buh-bye. I was ready, mostly. I couldn't even touch my head without the hair falling out. Basically, shedding like a golden retriever. Now, I had previously purchased two beanie/stocking hat things, some bandannas, and a wig in preparation for this. The wig is something that I have yet to fully embrace but have it like a security blanket. Who knows, maybe I'll never wear it. Maybe I'll wear it everyday. I think I need to figure out if covering my bald head is more for me, or more for the people around me. I feel mostly okay with my new look, but will it eventually freak out my neighbors? I dunno. As of right now, I cannot stop thinking about the possibility of losing my eyelashes. How in the hell am I going to put on eyeliner without blinding myself? I use my eyelashes as a guideline and guardrail to avoid that! Ugh. And drawing on eyebrows? I do not know how to do that, and if you do it wrong, it does